“One ceremony didn’t take away my anxiety for all time, but it gave me a glimpse of what life could be; a North Star of connectedness that’s been guiding me ever since”
I am a trauma-informed plant medicine facilitator, psychedelic integration specialist, teacher, writer and aspiring horse whisperer.
Born in Sweden, I spent the first part of adulthood in the comparative tropics of London, UK, studying literature and working in fancy investment banks until realising South East Asia had an actual tropical climate and moving to Vietnam. Over the next five years I taught English and Creative Play to kids in Thailand, Spain and Mexico, where a diversion to a horse ranch in Baja California Sur put the final nail in the rat-race coffin.
So successful was this retreat from the world of sensible choices that I began a Creative Writing MFA in San Francisco, which is where, in a yoga centre leased to the Santo Daime, I first met ayahuasca in 2014. I first came to Ayahuasca out of curiosity, hoping for some guidance on a book I was trying to write. I didn’t want healing, I didn’t seek connection to a “higher power,” and I certainly didn’t believe in spirits. Safe to say, that first journey came as a surprise, a surprise I now see as quite sad. I was 26 years old and had never known what it was like to live without anxiety. One ceremony didn’t take away my anxiety for all time, but it gave me a glimpse of what life could be; a North Star of connectedness that’s been guiding me ever since.
Surprisingly, this did not make me move to the jungle immediately. Instead, I dawdled around between Caribbean horse yoga retreats, Mexican Peyote circles and the London entertainment industry until, aided by the silence brought on by a global pandemic, I finally heard the call and left for South America in 2021.
Once there, things quickly fell into place. While previously my struggles with depression had made me feel out of place, in an environment where people came to heal, it became an asset. Supporting others in their work with the plant medicines that had been so helpful to me, I found a sense of purpose that remains my driving force to this day. I spent the next two years learning from Shuar taitas in Ecuador, Aguaruna maestros in the Peruvian Amazon, Huni Kuin elders in England, Shipibo onayas in Spain and Sami noaidis in Norway. Of course, I couldn’t leave the horses entirely behind, and so put down my cup for a few months to apprentice in Spain with equine ethologist Lucy Rees, appropriately known as ‘The Horse Shaman’ for her ability to connect with traumatised horses through methods that can only be described as sacred space-holding.
Since August 2021, I form part of the Maloca team at Soltara in Peru and Costa Rica. In addition to my academic qualifications in Creative Writing and Teaching, I am trained in Psychedelic Integration and AyaSafety by ICEERS, Psychedelic Harm Reduction by PsyCare UK, Psychodrama by Folkuniversitetet Sweden and Emergency First Aid by the Royal Life Saving Society UK. I’m also trained in Dr. Gabor Maté’s Compassionate Inquiry.
This connectedness feels to me like Ayahuasca’s greatest gift. Sometimes, that connection is to “a higher power,” or to “spirits,” and sometimes, it’s simply to ourselves. You may have heard Ayahuasca can make you vomit, and in many cultures, it is simply called “la purga,” the purge. Modern life likes to stuff us full of… well, stuff. Worries, stresses, griefs, denials. Rarely are we offered practices for shedding these. Ayahuasca can help cleanse your vessel for new stuff you’d rather put in it.
What Ayahuasca can’t do is put that stuff in there for you, and this is where Integration comes in. Returning to everyday life after a retreat can be challenging. In our sessions, I will accompany you on this “Ceremony of Life” as you create a path to your own North Star, your own way of being-in-the-world, aligned with how you’d like to show up in this life.
Outside of Soltara, I am a writer, teacher, and PhD researcher exploring how Ayahuasca helps us remember our place within the wider web of life. I also work with children and traumatised horses, both profound mirrors in sensitivity, trust, and the subtle language of the body. I continue to write, teach and work with horses in-between retreats.